Have you ever seen Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? The premise is that Julia Roberts’ character (Maggie) has been engaged 4x and can’t seem to go through with the marriage part. Richard Gere’s character (Ike) is a journalist doing a story about why Maggie keeps leaving guys at the altar.
In the end, the two fall in love and finally get married. Spoiler alert.
What’s my point?
I was really thinking about the meaning of this movie while I was watching it, and ironically, it hits pretty close to home for me.
Not the being engaged part or the running (because I don’t run in general).
In the movie Richard Gere discovers that Julia Roberts’ character orders the exact same kind of eggs that her fiancé (at the time) orders. All four engagements, she ordered whatever her fiancé ordered. Ike realizes that Maggie didn’t have a mind of her own, and she morphed into whatever her fiancé, or anyone for that matter, wanted her to be.
That was me.
There was a joke my dad once said to me referencing 3 guys I had dated consecutively:
From Gucci to Sperry’s to Bass Pro.
What he really meant was, I morphed into what my boyfriends at the time wanted me to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be.
A boyfriend once told me to not cuss so much because it wasn’t lady-like. So I tried to not cuss anymore.
Another told me to put on more makeup because he liked when I looked “pretty.” So I tried to wear more makeup.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was morphing into what they wanted me to be.
And Kris has helped overcome that.
Now, this isn’t meant to be a love letter or anything, because quite frankly, Kris doesn’t read these posts unless I make him. Ha!
Kris is one of few to accept me for who I am – my faults, my weaknesses, my craziness… Everything. He’s actually the first person who just came right out and told me that I was a “chameleon.”
He noticed when I interacted with people, family, friends, co-workers, and even sometimes him, that I would be what others expected me to be.
That’s obviously hard to hear. But he was right (again).
However, partially because of him, I’ve been able to find my own voice. He pushes me to have my own opinion about things. He asks me what I want and why. He helps me come to my own conclusions.
What Julia Roberts’ character and I had in common is that we were unsure of ourselves. And we needed someone to see us for who we were.
I can’t say that I have it all figured out or that I know what I truly want in some instances. But I can say that I continue to ask myself ‘what do you want’ and ‘why.’
Those two questions alone have helped me understand myself better, and they’ve helped me come to my own conclusions, not someone else’s.
Finding our own voices and opinions is so important. Some of us struggle with it, while others couldn’t be more sure of themselves. But I don’t envy those people. I enjoy trying to better understand myself and my choices.
I enjoy asking myself ‘why?’ And I encourage more of you to do so.
Don’t just believe something because your parents told you that’s how it is.
Don’t just get married or have kids because you think that’s the next step in your life.
Don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it.
Because at the end of the day, we feel more fulfilled when we understand ourselves. We can go to sleep at night knowing that we are here in this very moment, because it’s truly what we want, not something someone else wants for us.