Take Back Control

Over the past eight months I’ve struggled with this whole idea of not having control over my own life: people making choices for me. But I also preach this mantra:

What’s meant to be will be.

I honestly do believe that. I even have it tattooed on my foot (in Portuguese) and touched on it in one of my posts over a year ago: 3 Ideas That Will Change The Way You View Life.

But am I being hypocritical by saying “what’s meant to be will be” and also being a little pissed because I feel like I have no control over my life?

A friend of mine and I were chatting about this idea of me not having control over my life. He disagreed and said I do have control. I disagreed with him and said I don’t. (I swear we actually had a productive conversation).

His logic was once something happens to me, I have a choice on how I react to it. No one is making me do anything or choosing something for me.

Shit happens to each of us every single day. How we react to it is our choice.

So no, I’m not exactly being hypocritical.

But let’s look back at those two sentences.

Shit happens to each of us every single day. How we react to it is our choice.

The first sentence: shit happens to each of us every single day, refers to this whole mantra of “what’s meant to be will be.” We can’t control certain things. People die. People lose their jobs. Etc. Those things are out of our control and they are what they are.

The second sentence: how we react to it is our choice, refers to us having control of what we do afterwards. When someone dies, how do we honor them and move on? When you lose your job, how do you handle yourself afterwards? Etc.

Once we accept the things we cannot change (what’s meant to be) and use them to our benefit, we take back that control we so desire. Basically, it’s all in our head– or, it’s all in my head. It’s both. It’s both acceptance and control.

I’ve had control since the get-go, but got lost in the first part– the mantra I’ve held on to for over four years. I forgot that in the end everything happens for a reason. No, we don’t understand it at first; we may never understand it. And it could take quite awhile to actually accept it. But accepting it will change your life. Accepting what we can’t control, then taking back control in our reaction is how we gain true power.

It’s definitely not easy. I’m still working on accepting multiple things in my life. But I have faith that they’ll all work themselves out in the end.

Besides, we’re much happier people when we look at the bright side than when we play the victim. Which one will you choose?

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

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I Can Live Without You

When I was younger and “in love” with the flavor of the month I literally thought I couldn’t live without that person. And as I’ve gotten older I hear people telling me that the person I will spend the rest of my life with will be the one I can’t live without.

Well, what if I can live without him?

Think about it…

My boyfriend and I have had the conversation about spending the rest of our lives together. That’s the plan-till death do us part (lucky you, Kris). We’ve also had the conversation where I looked him dead in the face and said,

“I can live without you.”

Seriously. I’m not kidding.

But he wasn’t surprised. Why?

Because, he knows if anything ever happened to him or to us, I’d be okay. I’d move on or move forward with my life. And so would he if the roles were reversed.

Do I admit I’d be devastated if he just looked at me one day and told me to take a hike? Hell yes! I’d probably: 1. Eat and lay on the couch for weeks or 2. Live at a bar. Choices…

I just truly believe we can all live without people in our lives. Easier said than done, I know. But we’re all still standing, right? We’re still here, breathing after that terrible break-up we thought we’d neverrrrrr get over. Or that death in the family that came too soon.

None of us want to go through heartbreaks or heartaches, but we all end up coming out stronger in the end. It could take weeks, months, or even years, but we are stronger.

So this isn’t about whether we can or can’t live without someone. It’s about wanting to.

Following my bold statement of telling my boyfriend I could live without him, I said,

“But I don’t want to.”

Cue the “awwwws” and the “cheesy one liners.”

But I meant it, exactly how I said it.

Remember, we sometimes can’t imagine our lives without certain people in it. If and when that day comes, you can live without them. You will be okay.

Everything happens for a reason.

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

 

Blessings from 2014

As I sit here, now in 2015, I can’t help but reflect on my 2014. The first 6 months of 2014 were a little rocky. I think I let a lot of my emotions from the 2013 year sneak their way in there with an obscene amount of drinking and stupid decisions. But what can you do but learn from it, right? So here I am, learning from my mistakes and counting my blessings heading into 2015..

Always100In my post, More Than MyselfI talk about coaching my kids and how much of a blessing they are to me. I did not mention, however, that in 2013 I took a break from all that. It wasn’t until January of 2014 I got back in the game with my new Always 100 family, which was probably one of the few good decisions I made during that first 6 month span. I thank God every day for these 9 young women, their families, and the coaching staff at Always 100 for bringing me back in to their lives and their program.

IMG_1956As I started to try and better myself come mid year, I decided not only to mentor my own kids that I coach, but to also become a Big for Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS). This was a big step for me. There was an extensive process in being matched with a Little. I was beyond nervous. What if we didn’t hit it off? How could I relate to a kid who came from a totally different background than me? Would we have anything in common?

Well BBBS really knows their stuff and matched me with the most amazing Little. It’s insane how much we have in common. She could be the younger version of me to be quite honest. We’re about 6 months into our match and the support from the BBBS family has really helped me to try and become a better Big for my Little. This girl and I are going to be friends forever, I just know it.

IMG_0702In August this year I ventured to Isla Muejeres, an island off of Cancun, for my first girls trip with two of my best friends. Can you say, much needed vacation?

The three of us had been inseparable for the past 6 months. What better way to top it off with a vacation to end the summer? And so we did.

Isla Muejeres was gorgeous and we were so blessed to have the chance to go to such a secluded resort, swim with whale sharks, golf cart the entire island, shop and bargain with locals, relax, and drink the amazing Mexican tequila.

Mexico just so happens to be my families favorite place to vacation. So guess where I’m headed to again in April? Yep, Mexico!

IMG_1296Now here comes the real kicker. The one moment in 2014 to change it all was this baby right here. Pretty gross, huh? Sorry for the gruesome image, but there are no words that would do this image justice.

This is what happens when you come down on a martini shaker. Seriously.

What a freak accident, right?! I had never had anything like this happen to me before. Straight to the ER I went: a lot of blood, 27 stitches, and 8 shots later, I was pretty much handicapped for 2 months.

Those 2 months were the 2 months that flipped my 2014 around. There’s not a lot you can do, but think and reflect, when you can’t move from your couch. I knew as soon as I was ready I wanted to make changes in my life.

The first was to read You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero, a book recommended to me by a friend, and one I have now recommended to many more. If there is anything in this post you resonate with, I really hope it’s to purchase this book. I recommend the audio version so you can take notes. I took pages upon pages of notes, which I keep next to my bed, to remind me of ways to better my life every single day.

From there it’s really been uphill for me.

My oldest sister had her 3rd (and final) baby boy.

My younger sister got engaged to the love of her life.

And I got a dog.IMG_2092

Don’t laugh, I’m serious. This was a huge step for me. I didn’t have a whole lot of support on this one, but that didn’t matter. I was ready for more responsibilities. I was ready to have someone else in my life. What better way than to save my baby Lucy from the SPCA. You can read her story here.

So that’s it. That’s all she wrote. Literally.

Overall, 2014 was a success. I ended it WAY better than I started it. And I’d have to say the journey through 2014 really blessed me with a lot. Even in those last couple days of the year.

Everything happens for a reason and everything is all about timing. Everything.

 

Cheers,

Laine