The move happened. I left the hometown and set off for an adventure to try out this life with the man of my dreams.
In my last post, Bring It On Bloomington, Indiana, I wrote how I’m following my heart. And how I’m processing this extreme happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Which is weird and hard as hell.
Everyone is saying how much fun we’re going to have and how this city is amazing, which is all very true. I don’t doubt any of that one bit.
Now, I’ve literally only been here one night. So yes, this could be a little premature. But I did not truly understand how homesick I would be until last night.
I couldn’t fall asleep (naturally), so of course, you know, I have to keep Kris up with me. Because if I can’t sleep, he can’t sleep. Sucker.
My stomach was just aching and aching. Originally, I thought it was just acid reflex, because I’m getting old. So I’m thinking I’m going to get sick. Nope. I lay there wondering why the hell do I feel sick, I mean I had a damn salad for dinner. Which would be my luck, being sick after eating a salad. People wonder why I stick to ice cream.
And of course, by this time Kris is just snoring louder than you can imagine. Poor guy.
So I head to the bathroom. Maybe if I make myself get sick, I’ll feel better. Because that’s how it works when I’m hungover, so why not?
All of a sudden I think about calling my mom and instantly start balling. I mean I sat on the floor in the bathroom for nearly 15 minutes crying before I woke the snoring monster. God love him.
Because he’s the most awesome human ever, he comes in, sits on the floor with me and just holds me.
This was weird. (Not the him being awesome part).
I knew I was homesick, but it’s still weird that I’m crying like this, yet I’m so excited to be here with him. The emotions!!!!
Then I remembered a conversation I’d been having with my good friend Emmy, who too, moved away (like across the world) to be with her man. She’s the only one who told me how this was really going to be; how sad I was going to be.
It’s weird, because no one tells you the reality of how things are or might be. I think in some ways they try, but no one tells you you’re going to be sitting on the floor in the middle of the night crying because you’re 26 years old and miss your mommy.
Maybe it’s because we don’t really know how it’s going to go. It could all be rainbows and butterflies, but nine times out of 10, it’s not.
Life is never what we expect. It never happens the way we think it will. And it definitely will never all be rainbows and butterflies.
But, as my peeps at Shine Text reminded me yesterday:
Life is beautifully uncertain.
For every 15 minute ugly face cry sesh, there will be 100 more amazing moments.
It ain’t all rainbows and butterflies, but there will sure as hell be a pot of gold at the end.