Follow Your Gut

Apparently, every time I watch a movie, I have inspiration to write. My last post was in reference to Runaway Bride– Ask Yourself ‘Why?’

Ironically, this one is also a Julia Roberts movie– Eat. Pray. Love.

I’ve seen it before, but I don’t remember being this moved by it. Maybe it’s the wine. (Likely, the wine).


There are so many quotes in this movie that are worth sharing, but they all deserve their own post to be honest.

If you haven’t seen the movie, this is by no means a spoiler. But know that the quote you’re about to read is literally the last couple lines of the entire movie. So stop now or forever hold your peace.

“If you’re willing to give up everything you know and go on an adventure… And then treat every person you meet as a clue to your future… Then the truth will be yours.”

How inspiring is that?!

Ask any of my friends (the whole two of them), and they’ll tell you I’m the one they call when they have a crazy idea.

I’m big on following your gut no matter how crazy it is.

Always follow your gut.

And with this quote from Eat. Pray. Love., it’s just that much more apparent to me that we have to follow our guts and take a leap of faith when it comes to jobs, relationships, commitments, moving, you name it. Everything we do is a leap of faith. So why try and stay in our comfort zone? We never grow or change in our comfort zones.

If we’re willing to take that leap and accept that we’re constantly on this road to where we’re going, no matter where it is, we’ll always get there. It’s going to be bumpy sometimes. It’s going to be sad and disappointing.

But sometimes, it’s going to be so fulfilling and moving, that you’ll cry once you realize you’ve arrived.


It’ll be so profound– something you’ve been searching your whole life for. And you’ll know the exact moment you get there.

And you’ll be changed forever.

We may experience this more than once in our lives. And some may only experience it that one time. But you’ll remember it forever.

We’ll remember the people we met along the way. And everything we went through to get there.

And nothing else will matter, because for a moment we are exactly where we’re supposed to be.

So always follow your gut no matter how crazy it seems.




Ask Yourself ‘Why?’

Have you ever seen Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? The premise is that Julia Roberts’ character (Maggie) has been engaged 4x and can’t seem to go through with the marriage part. Richard Gere’s character (Ike) is a journalist doing a story about why Maggie keeps leaving guys at the altar.

In the end, the two fall in love and finally get married. Spoiler alert.

What’s my point?

I was really thinking about the meaning of this movie while I was watching it, and ironically, it hits pretty close to home for me.

Not the being engaged part or the running (because I don’t run in general).

In the movie Richard Gere discovers that Julia Roberts’ character orders the exact same kind of eggs that her fiancé (at the time) orders. All four engagements, she ordered whatever her fiancé ordered. Ike realizes that Maggie didn’t have a mind of her own, and she morphed into whatever her fiancé, or anyone for that matter, wanted her to be.

That was me.

There was a joke my dad once said to me referencing 3 guys I had dated consecutively:

From Gucci to Sperry’s to Bass Pro.

What he really meant was, I morphed into what my boyfriends at the time wanted me to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be.

A boyfriend once told me to not cuss so much because it wasn’t lady-like. So I tried to not cuss anymore.

Another told me to put on more makeup because he liked when I looked “pretty.” So I tried to wear more makeup.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was morphing into what they wanted me to be.

And Kris has helped overcome that.

Now, this isn’t meant to be a love letter or anything, because quite frankly, Kris doesn’t read these posts unless I make him. Ha!

Kris is one of few to accept me for who I am – my faults, my weaknesses, my craziness… Everything. He’s actually the first person who just came right out and told me that I was a “chameleon.”

He noticed when I interacted with people, family, friends, co-workers, and even sometimes him, that I would be what others expected me to be.

That’s obviously hard to hear. But he was right (again).

However, partially because of him, I’ve been able to find my own voice. He pushes me to have my own opinion about things. He asks me what I want and why. He helps me come to my own conclusions.

What Julia Roberts’ character and I had in common is that we were unsure of ourselves. And we needed someone to see us for who we were.

I can’t say that I have it all figured out or that I know what I truly want in some instances. But I can say that I continue to ask myself ‘what do you want’ and ‘why.’

Those two questions alone have helped me understand myself better, and they’ve helped me come to my own conclusions, not someone else’s.

Finding our own voices and opinions is so important. Some of us struggle with it, while others couldn’t be more sure of themselves. But I don’t envy those people. I enjoy trying to better understand myself and my choices.

I enjoy asking myself ‘why?’ And I encourage more of you to do so.

Don’t just believe something because your parents told you that’s how it is.

Don’t just get married or have kids because you think that’s the next step in your life.

Don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it.


Because at the end of the day, we feel more fulfilled when we understand ourselves. We can go to sleep at night knowing that we are here in this very moment, because it’s truly what we want, not something someone else wants for us.







No Pictures Please

Kris and I just finished up a 9 day vacation at the lake for the 4th of July week. It was amazing and much needed.

The best part?

I didn’t take a single picture.

Kris is usually on me about being in the moment and taking it in rather than finding the right shot so I can post to social media. It is usually pretty difficult for me to put the phone down because I want to have pictures to remember the good times.

But he’s right!

It felt amazing to not carry my phone around with me at all times so that I could spend quality time with my loved ones.

Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I went to take a picture on Snapchat out of habit. But I actively and consciously had to tell myself no. No, I wasn’t going to take time away from myself and family so that I could share pictures.

Too many times we are so worried about the pictures we’re taking and forget about the moment of really taking it in—taking a deep breath and really relishing in that moment.


We get all done up for a party or a night out and have to take a picture of it so we can post how cute we look on Facebook.

But why do we need to do that? Why do we feel like we need the validation of Likes and comments? Why are we so worried about getting the right picture, rather than really seeing the beauty in that very moment?

It’s hard. And I do it too.

And I know I’ve lost moments because I was so focused on taking a picture. Moments fly by and we don’t get them back. Sometimes they’re definitely worth a photo. Sometimes it’s more worth it to take a deep breath and truly experience the moment.

So my challenge to you is to take less pictures. Put your phone down on vacation. Turn your phone off at 8pm each day.

Take the moment in rather than lose it so you can find your phone.



Giving 100 Percent to Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends

I recently read the Inc. article, Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends: Pick 3, by Jessica Stillman.

I then read a rebuttal article, Forget Picking 3. How to Have it All: Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends , written by Kindra Hall.

Both of these articles really got me thinking about my life at it’s current state, including work, sleep, family, fitness, and friends.

Can we have it all? Or do we need to really pick 3?

For me, Work and Sleep have really become my top two. I attempt, inconsistently, to bring Fitness in there. Friends, mostly pop in when I need a break from work. And if I’m being honest, Family, usually takes a back seat. Naturally, that’s where these focus areas have fallen.

It’s not the greatest hierarchy, and different people would organize these focuses a different way. Some weeks I need Family and Friends. Others, I need Fitness and Sleep. It depends for me. And I’m working on the best for me.

However, Hall says it perfectly well:

“Be 100 percent where you are.”

It doesn’t matter if you pick 3 or if you want it all, you need to be 100 percent where you are at that moment. That’s where we’ll find success.

We all operate differently. Some of us can only focus on a few things and get really good at them. And some of us can focus on all five of these things and get good at them.

It’s about what YOU can do for YOU.

We can read all the self-help and empowerment books and articles we want, but there is no one size fits all. It’s a trial and error of what works for you as an individual.

But if there’s one thing I can (and should) focus on, it’s being 100 percent present.

We can’t be half in and half out and expect to get results.

Can you give 100 percent to Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends?



I’m a Bad Girl

I’m a bad girl.

Some would agree with that.

I’ve been known as the partier. The one who curses like a sailor. The bitch. The cheater. The slut. I never met my curfew and always talked back. There are things I’ve done that I can’t put in this blog post.

But your definition of a bad girl is a lot different than mine.

My mom got me this book for my birthday titled Bad Girls Throughout History: 100 Remarkable Women Who Changed the World by Ann Shen. My mom’s handwritten note inside said, “Happy 28th birthday, Laine. Maybe one day you will be on the cover of these pages.”

You see, my mom’s definition of the word “bad” is also different than yours. She believes I can make a difference by being a bad woman.

The revolutionary women featured in this book…

“Challenged the status quo and changed the rules for all who followed.”

Cleopatra, ruler of men

Sojourner Truth, activist and abolitionist

Joan Jett, godmother of punk

Josephine Baker, showgirl, activist, and spy

Marie Antoinette, teen fashion idol

Just to name a few.

Some of these women were young when they made their mark. Others were nearly in their 70s.

At any point in time in our lives, we can make an impact. Most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re helping change history at all.

As a woman, I admire, not only the women listed in this book, but also women like my mother, Kris’ mother, and my grandmother. None of these women took shit from anyone. They were/are opinionated, outspoken, honest, credible, bad women.

Bad women are all around us. It just depends on your definition of the word.





PS: You should consider buying this book for a young woman in your life—a woman that challenges the status quo.

Me is the Most Important

It’s a “can’t sleep,” “can’t turn my mind off” kind of night. 

Maybe it’s because IU was so close to giving OSU a run for their money. (I’m not even a college football fan).

Maybe it’s because Kris and Wilfred won’t stop snoring. (This is more accurate).

Or maybe, it’s because I haven’t really been taking time for myself to check out and re center myself. 

This job has me going at 100 mph + full time grad school + basically unpaid part time staffer for a nonprofit I volunteer for in town. All of which I enjoy and/love to some degree. 
But I just need a breather. 

Then I saw a friend’s tweet that went something like:

Blah blah blah, I hate when someone says they have 100 things on their list. We ALL have 100 things on our list.

Boom. (Side note: she was not talking directly to me). Thanks Amber!

All of my stress is warranted, but I need to understand that until I do something about it then it will continue to stay that way. (Kind of like my blog posts: The Way It Is). Even if I prioritize better (by the way, I have a 5pg paper due Sunday, which I haven’t started), I’m still going to be stressed.

I realized that if I feel this way now, come the change in season and into winter, then I’m a goner. So I’ve attempted to take care of myself first by signing Kris and I up for Farrell’s 10-week Bodyshaping program (beginning at the end of September). Shoot me. 

Neither of us are super pumped about this. But we needed something drastic. 

On top of that I’ve been signing up for yoga classes and then canceling last minute. 

This is doing me no good. 

Setting time aside for ME is so extremely important, but I just don’t follow through. 

Maybe my next blog post will be about that follow through. But until then, I’ll just talk about how I need to do it. And how my health (and sanity) rely on it. Ha!

So here’s to timeblocking (tomorrow), prioritizing MYSELF, and putting my mental health above everything else. Because at the end of the day, if my mind isn’t right, nothing I do will be right. 


So this is a good weekend to schedule some massages, pedicures, and shopping then? Ok, I’ll tell Kris y’all said it was good. 
Take time for yourself peeps. Your heart, your soul, and your mind are the most important things you have. 



Here we are, Laine.

You’re a homeowner. You have a good job. You live in a great town. You have an amazing partner in crime. You’re living the good life.

But something had been missing.

I had a hole in my heart for quite some time dealing with the loss of Lucy. Call me dramatic, but she was a big part of my life as I’m sure you read in I’m Left in Good Hands and A Happy Life is the Best Life.

However, my heart began to mend and Kris and I started the conversation about getting another dog.

Don’t get me wrong, Kris wasn’t pumped at first, but because he knows how happy a dog would make me and how a dog would bring complete joy to our home, he was supportive in my decision to adopt.

I looked at rescue websites for months, and even had family and friends sending me photos of dogs up for adoption. I just never could pull the trigger.

I was scared.

But finally, out of the blue, I applied to be an adopter through the Fort Wayne Pit Bull Coalition (FWPBC).

So many people were against me getting a pit bull (again). People would ask me ‘why’ or say ‘are you sure?’

For the record, I have been making decisions (bad and good) on my own for quite some time. I think I can manage.

The application went through and I had some conversations with the great people at FWPBC regarding what I was looking for: I couldn’t have another Lucy. I needed someone who was easy. Someone who was chill. And that is exactly who I got.

Enter Wilfred.


This 6 year old, blue pit is everything I had hoped for and imagined. Kris and I brought him home and he has been an absolute blessing to us both. (Don’t let Kris fool ya, Wilfred is his guy).

To be able to adopt a special needs dog and be the person who is going to change his life forever, that is why I rescue. I rescue dogs who need someone special to take care of them. Someone who won’t judge them or leave them. I have a purpose for rescuing– I want to make a change in a dog’s life. Little do they know that they change my life too.

I get emotional thinking about how no one wanted this guy and how people just passed over him. Until I realize that all of those didn’t work out so that we can be in this very moment.

Wilfred lays next to us at night in his own bed. He gives me a kiss goodnight and thanks me for bringing him home. I tell him and Kris I love them.

And that is living the good life.



Laine & Wilfred


PS. Thank you Debra, Suzanne, and the rest of the FWPBC family for everything you did for Wilfred and me. We are forever grateful.

What Is Happiness?

My parents came to visit me recently for the first time since I moved to Bloomington. I was obviously super stoked to have visitors and show them around my new home.

It’s been a little difficult of a transition these last couple months, but life knocks you down sometimes and you gotta put your big girl pants on and deal with it. (Read these for more info: It Ain’t All Rainbows and Butterflies; I’m Left In Good Hands; A Happy Life is the Best Life; The Way It Is; The Good.)

Anyway, my mom and I were getting ready to go out for dinner, while Kris, my dad, and my nephew were in the living room (literally 10 steps away). She looked at me and whispered,

“Are you happy?”

I was a little thrown off by her question. I laughed actually. Of course I was. Right?

So I answered, “Yeah, I guess.”

She didn’t say much more. And I’m not sure why exactly she felt the need to ask. Maybe because she knew I’d been having a hard transition, or that I had a lot shit happen over the last eight months.

(For clarification, Kris and I are and have been wonderful. He’s been my rock, my voice of reason, my “get your ass off the couch and do something about it” support).

I thought about her question more, and a couple awkward seconds later I rebuttal-ed with:

“I’m not happy, but I’m not unhappy.”

Haha. That’s seriously what I said.

She didn’t really know how to respond. I tried explaining what I meant, but as most things go when I try explaining… It was a little unclear.

So I left it as is, and we went to dinner.

A week later, I attended my Yoga Nidra class at Vibe Yoga (you should go), and we were discussing how we felt after the session. I was up first.

For those that have experienced this before, you know it’s an extremely deep experience. For those who haven’t experienced this before, here’s how I explained my experience to my teacher and the class:

“It’s feeling every emotion all at once, while also not feeling them. You’re not happy, but you’re not sad. I can’t wrap my head around that completely. How’s that even possible? To not be either…”

What I was saying, didn’t really make sense (as you can tell), but it’s how I felt inside. And my teacher proceeded to explain that in life we persevere things to be either this or that, black or white. But with yoga, we can just BE. 

At that moment, I knew that’s what I meant when I told my mom I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t unhappy either.

Telling someone I wasn’t necessarily happy, but also not unhappy at the same time was weird. But that’s what it was.

I think, as my yoga teacher said, in society we think we must be this or that. Happy or unhappy. But can’t I be somewhere in the middle? Can’t I just BE?

It’s not a negative thing to just BE.

And that’s what I want to share.

I just am. I’m living. I’m enjoying some days. I’m bored others. I get the chance to live a life others don’t. I miss my friends. I’m thankful. I’m tired. I’m madly in love. All of it, at once.

Some days, all of that is closer to being unhappy. Other days, it’s closer to being happy.

What does happiness mean to you?

Mom, thanks for asking me if I was happy, because I had never really thought about what happiness meant to me until now.

Happiness means something different to me every day, but at it’s core it means being with Kris and being a part of something bigger than myself. At the end of the day, that’s all I want and need in this world.

So what is happiness?

You decide.




A Happy Life Is The Best Life

Over the last four weeks I’ve dealt with more death in such a short amount of time than I ever thought possible.

I had to put my baby girl, Lucy, down which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She was my saving grace. (Read: I’m Left In Good Hands).

Four days later, a former player of mine died in a car accident. She was 17 and the starting PG for one of the best basketball teams in the state of Indiana.

Eleven days after her death, one of my oldest friends lost his two year battle to Leukemia. He and I had more history than anyone could ever understand. He would have been 27 on Christmas.

Life’s short, apparently. And we never actually realize it until shit like this happens. We say it all the time, but none of us can really grasp the concept of how short it really is.

So I have to pose the question… Are we truly living to our utmost fullest? If you were told how and when you were going to die, would you live differently?

I can tell you right now, I am not living my life to its utmost fullest. And yes, if I were told how and when, I think I would live differently. But sometimes that’s just not how life goes.

My former player didn’t know she was going to die that day on her way to school. And even though my friend had Leukemia, I’m sure he didn’t know the exact day he would leave this world.

It’s unfortunate we have to experience death in some fashion to try and understand the meaning of life. And even then life goes on and we forget. Until the next death.

But how selfish is that?! Someone has to die or become sick in order for your life to be put in perspective. I bet you, the father of my former player would rather have his daughter back than for us to have a different outlook on life.

Now, I’m not saying I have the answers nor that I even understand the questions I’m asking. But at what point do people stop dying around us? People who have barely lived. How are we supposed to understand that? Or are we?

I talk this big talk about:

What’s meant to be will be.

But let’s be real. When it comes to death, that mantra goes out the window. How is it that a 26 year old newlywed finds out he has Leukemia weeks after his wedding then dies two years later? That’s NOT meant to be.

You’re supposed to be a kid, make stupid decisions, learn from them, grow up a little, make some more stupid decisions, have fun somewhere in there, and continue to grow old. Then it’s your time to go.

But these three weren’t given that chance. Their lives were taken sooner than any of us could have even fathomed. And now we get to sit here and live with it. Live with the reality that a father lost his daughter, a wife lost her husband, and I lost my best friend.

Like I said, I don’t understand it. I don’t think anyone does. But the least we can do is to not forget how this makes us feel, and remember that life is short. Not just today or next week, but truly remember and make choices every day that make us happy. Because in the end, happiness is all we want. Whether we go now or 50 years from now, a happy life, short or long, is the best life lived. And I want to make sure I have that life because I know for certain these three did.

Tell someone you love them today. Hug them. And thank them for how happy they make you.

Life is short, but we can make it a short happy life.

Thinking of you always Lucy, Peytin, and Chris. And I’ll see you shortly.





I’m Left In Good Hands

For a week I went to work, came home, and got in bed — for five days straight. Now, I lay in bed all weekend, with no shower, and sleeping for hours on hours.

I think that’s what they call sadness. Depression. Emptiness.

That’s how I feel.

All of those things wrapped in to one, and then some.

Kris and I came home for the first time after having to put Lucy down, and I broke. I dropped all my things in the hallway and lost my sense of balance. My sense of purpose. And hysterically cried. Over and over again. It was  like a bad dream.

I had never known loss like this before. My person was gone. The one that brought me out of complete darkness and into utter joy. She saved me. Literally. Read the post: The Pitbull That Saved My Life.

It seems dramatic, I know, but never in my life have I cared more about another living thing than I did Lucy.  She taught me how to love unconditionally. She showed me that it was okay to open up and to put my faith in to the universe — that everything would work out the way it was supposed to.

Which turns out to be quite a funny story…

Here’s a quick timeline:

Mid October 2013 Kris and I began dating (round one).

End of December 2013 Kris and I ended our relationship.

Mid December 2014 I adopted Lucy.

End of December 2014 Kris and I rekindled an old flame. (More like I got my shit together.)

Mid February 2015 Kris and I were officially a couple.

As you know, I’m sure, Kris and I started our relationship with a 6hr drive between us. And continued that relationship with that drive for over a year.

The funny part about all of this is that, until now, until sitting here and reflecting on Lucy’s life and our time together, I always associated her with bringing me out of that darkness, which is true. But, she also brought me much more.

You see, if I didn’t have Lucy in my life while Kris and I began dating again, I don’t think he and I would have stayed together. (Another me problem.) Imagine, my crazy ass dating a guy 6hrs away with no sense of responsibility… Right?!? I’m laughing too.

I mean in all seriousness, that’s what happened in round one. I was this crazy, let’s go out and party, unhappy girl in round one.

The difference this time was that I had Lucy. I had something to teach me unconditional love. I had something to ease me in to the feeling of being in love with another, and letting myself be loved.

We don’t ever realize it until they’re gone, but animals can have an amazing impact on us. And to be honest, I never in my wildest dreams knew this would be this hard or that she would be this impactful on my life.

I know time heals and eventually I’ll be able to focus solely on the good and not the sadness of her being gone. But I do take comfort in knowing that she has left me in good hands. She showed Kris the same unconditional love and he will forever love me the way she did.

For that, I will never forget her and there will always be a place in my heart for my girl.


If you are thinking about adopting an animal please consider these places for your adoption. I promise you, these animals will bring you more than you could have ever hoped for. And if there are other reputable animal rescues you know of please share them in the comments below.

Allen County SPCA

Fort Wayne Pit Bull Coalition

Tribe Dog Training and Rescue



Laine & Lucy