I’m Left In Good Hands

For a week I went to work, came home, and got in bed — for five days straight. Now, I lay in bed all weekend, with no shower, and sleeping for hours on hours.

I think that’s what they call sadness. Depression. Emptiness.

That’s how I feel.

All of those things wrapped in to one, and then some.

Kris and I came home for the first time after having to put Lucy down, and I broke. I dropped all my things in the hallway and lost my sense of balance. My sense of purpose. And hysterically cried. Over and over again. It was  like a bad dream.

I had never known loss like this before. My person was gone. The one that brought me out of complete darkness and into utter joy. She saved me. Literally. Read the post: The Pitbull That Saved My Life.

It seems dramatic, I know, but never in my life have I cared more about another living thing than I did Lucy.  She taught me how to love unconditionally. She showed me that it was okay to open up and to put my faith in to the universe — that everything would work out the way it was supposed to.

Which turns out to be quite a funny story…

Here’s a quick timeline:

Mid October 2013 Kris and I began dating (round one).

End of December 2013 Kris and I ended our relationship.

Mid December 2014 I adopted Lucy.

End of December 2014 Kris and I rekindled an old flame. (More like I got my shit together.)

Mid February 2015 Kris and I were officially a couple.

As you know, I’m sure, Kris and I started our relationship with a 6hr drive between us. And continued that relationship with that drive for over a year.

The funny part about all of this is that, until now, until sitting here and reflecting on Lucy’s life and our time together, I always associated her with bringing me out of that darkness, which is true. But, she also brought me much more.

You see, if I didn’t have Lucy in my life while Kris and I began dating again, I don’t think he and I would have stayed together. (Another me problem.) Imagine, my crazy ass dating a guy 6hrs away with no sense of responsibility… Right?!? I’m laughing too.

I mean in all seriousness, that’s what happened in round one. I was this crazy, let’s go out and party, unhappy girl in round one.

The difference this time was that I had Lucy. I had something to teach me unconditional love. I had something to ease me in to the feeling of being in love with another, and letting myself be loved.

We don’t ever realize it until they’re gone, but animals can have an amazing impact on us. And to be honest, I never in my wildest dreams knew this would be this hard or that she would be this impactful on my life.

I know time heals and eventually I’ll be able to focus solely on the good and not the sadness of her being gone. But I do take comfort in knowing that she has left me in good hands. She showed Kris the same unconditional love and he will forever love me the way she did.

For that, I will never forget her and there will always be a place in my heart for my girl.

lucy

If you are thinking about adopting an animal please consider these places for your adoption. I promise you, these animals will bring you more than you could have ever hoped for. And if there are other reputable animal rescues you know of please share them in the comments below.

Allen County SPCA

Fort Wayne Pit Bull Coalition

Tribe Dog Training and Rescue

 

Cheers,

Laine & Lucy

LucyatAllenCountySPCA

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It Ain’t All Rainbows and Butterflies

The move happened. I left the hometown and set off for an adventure to try out this life with the man of my dreams.

In my last post, Bring It On Bloomington, Indiana, I wrote how I’m following my heart. And how I’m processing this extreme happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Which is weird and hard as hell.

Everyone is saying how much fun we’re going to have and how this city is amazing, which is all very true. I don’t doubt any of that one bit.

Now, I’ve literally only been here one night. So yes, this could be a little premature. But I did not truly understand how homesick I would be until last night.

I couldn’t fall asleep (naturally), so of course, you know, I have to keep Kris up with me. Because if I can’t sleep, he can’t sleep. Sucker.

My stomach was just aching and aching. Originally, I thought it was just acid reflex, because I’m getting old. So I’m thinking I’m going to get sick. Nope. I lay there wondering why the hell do I feel sick, I mean I had a damn salad for dinner. Which would be my luck, being sick after eating a salad. People wonder why I stick to ice cream.

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And of course, by this time Kris is just snoring louder than you can imagine. Poor guy.

So I head to the bathroom. Maybe if I make myself get sick, I’ll feel better. Because that’s how it works when I’m hungover, so why not?

All of a sudden I think about calling my mom and instantly start balling. I mean I sat on the floor in the bathroom for nearly 15 minutes crying before I woke the snoring monster. God love him.

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Because he’s the most awesome human ever, he comes in, sits on the floor with me and just holds me.

This was weird. (Not the him being awesome part).

I knew I was homesick, but it’s still weird that I’m crying like this, yet I’m so excited to be here with him. The emotions!!!!

Then I remembered a conversation I’d been having with my good friend Emmy, who too, moved away (like across the world) to be with her man. She’s the only one who told me how this was really going to be; how sad I was going to be.

It’s weird, because no one tells you the reality of how things are or might be. I think in some ways they try, but no one tells you you’re going to be sitting on the floor in the middle of the night crying because you’re 26 years old and miss your mommy.

Maybe it’s because we don’t really know how it’s going to go. It could all be rainbows and butterflies, but nine times out of 10, it’s not.

Life is never what we expect. It never happens the way we think it will. And it definitely will never all be rainbows and butterflies.

But, as my peeps at Shine Text reminded me yesterday:

Life is beautifully uncertain.

For every 15 minute ugly face cry sesh, there will be 100 more amazing moments.

It ain’t all rainbows and butterflies, but there will sure as hell be a pot of gold at the end.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Bring It On Bloomington, Indiana

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I’ve literally sat here and attempted to write this blog post for over 1 hour. I’m not kidding. My stomach aches trying to do it. I type a couple sentences, then backspace. I type a line or two, then backspace. There’s no great way to get this all out, to put it in to words.

So bear with me.

More than once here on Cheers, Laine, I have told everyone how I believe in fate, and I believe in following your heart. It sounds all fine and dandy until you actually do it.

I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly two years. He’s the best. You first met him (Kris) in my post, Momma Knows Best, But You Don’t Have To Listen to Her. Then you read my sappy post, I Can Live Without You, where I basically tell him I can, but don’t want to.

And during this whole time, we’ve loved from a distance, knowing well that one of us would eventually make the move.

And that day has come.

I know what you’re thinking, miss “Go Fort Wayne,” “I’m never leaving,” is a hypocrite. How can she promote a city and be as involved as she is, then just up and leave?

I thought that too, at first. How can I leave a place where I’ve put my heart and soul in to it? How can I leave this place where all my family and friends are? How can I leave this place that made me who I am? Believe me, all the doubt and questions and thinking has gone through my head over and over and over again.

Then I remember I love him more than all of that.

I believe in following your heart. I believe in giving it a shot because it may change your life. And shit, if it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out (mom, save me a spot on the couch). But at least I’m trying. At least I’m saying I gave it a go, and really put myself out there.

Now, do I think I owe anyone any type of explanation? No. Maybe I’m writing this to make myself feel better. I don’t know. I just know that leaving my hometown, leaving this place I’ve worked so hard to make a name for myself in, is what I want to do.

I chatted with a friend today about moving, telling her I’m leaving everything I know and everything I’ve worked for behind. And you know what she told me?

“But you are going to a new awesome place with an awesome person and you definitely worked for those things too.”

She is so right. (Thanks, Lauren).

As sad as I am to leave my home, I am so excited. I keep telling people it’s this extreme sadness and extreme happiness all at once. Those are not easy emotions to process at the same time.

I am about to leave a city I love for a man I love more. And that is how I want to live my life, by choosing love.

There will always be another Fort Wayne out there for me to jump in and make an impact. But I won’t always have this opportunity to go and follow my heart.

So, what the hell?!? Kris and I have never lived in the same city before while dating. Why not live in the same city, live in the same apartment, and while we’re at it, let’s work together.

Bring it on Bloomington, Indiana.

Bring it on Cook Pharmica.

Laine is headed your way! (Kris, brace yourself).

But Fort Wayne, never forget… You will always have my heart.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Take Back Control

Over the past eight months I’ve struggled with this whole idea of not having control over my own life: people making choices for me. But I also preach this mantra:

What’s meant to be will be.

I honestly do believe that. I even have it tattooed on my foot (in Portuguese) and touched on it in one of my posts over a year ago: 3 Ideas That Will Change The Way You View Life.

But am I being hypocritical by saying “what’s meant to be will be” and also being a little pissed because I feel like I have no control over my life?

A friend of mine and I were chatting about this idea of me not having control over my life. He disagreed and said I do have control. I disagreed with him and said I don’t. (I swear we actually had a productive conversation).

His logic was once something happens to me, I have a choice on how I react to it. No one is making me do anything or choosing something for me.

Shit happens to each of us every single day. How we react to it is our choice.

So no, I’m not exactly being hypocritical.

But let’s look back at those two sentences.

Shit happens to each of us every single day. How we react to it is our choice.

The first sentence: shit happens to each of us every single day, refers to this whole mantra of “what’s meant to be will be.” We can’t control certain things. People die. People lose their jobs. Etc. Those things are out of our control and they are what they are.

The second sentence: how we react to it is our choice, refers to us having control of what we do afterwards. When someone dies, how do we honor them and move on? When you lose your job, how do you handle yourself afterwards? Etc.

Once we accept the things we cannot change (what’s meant to be) and use them to our benefit, we take back that control we so desire. Basically, it’s all in our head– or, it’s all in my head. It’s both. It’s both acceptance and control.

I’ve had control since the get-go, but got lost in the first part– the mantra I’ve held on to for over four years. I forgot that in the end everything happens for a reason. No, we don’t understand it at first; we may never understand it. And it could take quite awhile to actually accept it. But accepting it will change your life. Accepting what we can’t control, then taking back control in our reaction is how we gain true power.

It’s definitely not easy. I’m still working on accepting multiple things in my life. But I have faith that they’ll all work themselves out in the end.

Besides, we’re much happier people when we look at the bright side than when we play the victim. Which one will you choose?

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

There Is Nothing Wrong With Seeing A Counselor

Lately, I’ve had a lot on my plate. A lot of changes in my life and a lot of different emotions. It’s been a lot to process.

So I decided to try something.

I went and saw a counselor (or therapist).

In my family, you put on your big girl pants and deal with it. Not this time. This time I needed to talk to a professional. I needed to talk to a person who truly had my best interests in mind.

It went okay, not bad, not great. But what really got me was when I told a family member that I was going, that person rolled their eyes at me.

Can you believe that?!?! No support, no words really. It was like they thought I was being over dramatic about it.

I was bothered for a little bit, but then realized it didn’t matter what that person thought. I was going FOR ME and no one else.

That got me thinking… We all deal with things differently. Some pray, some meditate, some talk to someone, some drink, etc. Whatever your processing outlet is (hopefully it’s a positive one), the point is that you are processing. You are dealing with it. You are acknowledging it and you are working on it.

Going to talk to counselor is something some people don’t talk about. But why? Why are people so ashamed or embarrassed about themselves or others dealing with life? At least I’m being honest with myself.

Now, if you see a counselor or therapist and are not comfortable sharing that with people, that is your right! But know, you shouldn’t be ashamed. Be proud! Be proud that you have the balls to admit you might need help.

It’s unfortunate that some people are afraid of what others might think of them, but it’s even more unfortunate that other people judge us for it.

For any of you out there who are thinking about seeing a counselor or are seeing a counselor, know you’re not alone. There are hundreds of us who see a professional, some of us more open about it than others. There is nothing wrong with you.

You are exactly where you should be.

Cheers,

Laine

The Debt Ball and Chain

I originally got on here to type up a post about something totally different. I just so happened to glance over at my “Drafts” section where an unpublished post sat, titled:

I’m Broke and I Love It.

I chuckled to say the least when I read that title. 1. Because that’s funny. I mean do you actually like being broke? 2. Because there was nothing in the contents of the post, just the title. So that’s a little ironic. And 3. I’ve just started getting serious about money, and semi freaking out.

So I wouldn’t say, “I love it,” hence me changing the title.

Long story short I’ve come to the realization that being broke sucks. Having debt sucks. Having to live like a monk so that you can pay off those debts also sucks.

So what the eff am I going to do about it?

We all have debt. Especially us young stupid folk that decided to go to college to get an education so that one day we could have this dream job with this dream house with this dream life where money was not an issue.

WTFface

Right… Let’s be real. Money blows. And whoever invented it, blows.

But enough of my unproductive rant…

There are 100 different ways we could all tackle our debt. Live like a monk and pay it off sooner. Say screw it, and pay the minimum for the rest of your life and be in debt forever. Or be strategic about this damn thing and try to have your cake and eat it too.

And to be quite honest, I struggle with this daily.

But thanks to my friend Natalie (and Dave Ramsey), I’ve been inspired to really take this shitty thing called debt, grab it by the horns, and fight it.

I recently went on vacation with Kris and this was my first attempt at truly sticking to a budget. To put this in perspective, I’ve never followed a budget in my life. I’m not kidding. Because mommy and daddy would always be there for me if I ever really needed money. So why would I have needed to follow one?

Bullshit.

I’m a grown ass adult and don’t need to rely on my parents to take care of me. At some point, I needed to take responsibility and make better choices. And so I did.

I’ll write more about my frickin awesome vacation in a later post, but for now, all you need to know is that I went over my budget. Yep. Shocking. BUT, I was less than $75 over. To some, that may not seem like an accomplishment, but for someone who’s never stuck to a budget in their life, this is a huge win! I’d also like to say that I can’t take full credit for this. If Kris would not have been with me on this vacation, I’m sure I wouldn’t have stuck with it, or have even thought about it.

The important thing to know here is that whatever age you are, you can still get out of debt. You just need a realistic plan. But most importantly, you need a support system.

If it wasn’t for my friend introducing Dave Ramsey’s Smart Dollar class to me, I would have never began thinking about my money. If it wasn’t for other friends who are also taking this class and going through similar debt situations, then it would easily be something I could forget about. And if it wasn’t for Kris who supports me wholeheartedly (and who’s been pushing for this budget thing since we started dating) then I wouldn’t be able to implement what I’ve been learning.

Support systems are so important in our lives. They bring positive energy to everything we do. And when it comes to debt, a support system who believes in you and can keep you on track for a better future, is worth more than any amount of money.

Now, I’m not suggesting I know it all (or anything for that matter) about money and debt. However, I would say that you don’t have to be broke. With a little time and mindset change, you could be on your way to financial freedom! For real, though.

Stop pulling this poor me (like I was), get your shit together, and do something about it.

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

 

 

 

I’m Not Sorry

I’m not sorry.

Or am I?

If I were to count in one whole day how many times I use the words “I’m sorry” we could feed a nation. I’m not kidding.

I can remember the first time someone looked at me in high school and told me to stop saying “I’m sorry” or “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Because I didn’t.

And yet, I still say it. Every. Single. Day. For the past 10 years.

But why? Why the hell am I apologizing for things like:

  • Sending someone an email
  • Stopping at someone’s desk to ask a question
  • Asking a waiter to get me more ranch
  • Asking someone to repeat themselves
  • Expressing my feelings

Even though I say “I’m sorry” so often, I’ve actually started to realize it more (which is good). So now, when I look at Kris (the boyfriend), express my feelings about something and then apologize for it, I end up following all of that up with, “No, I’m not actually sorry.” He laughs and says, “I know,” and we move on.

At least I’m realizing it, right?

But still, why do we apologize so often for things we’re not actually sorry for?

Unfortunately, this post doesn’t have the answer, because I don’t have the answer. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t know why you do it.

Maybe it’s because I’m a young female professional and I don’t want to bother the head honchos, or because I feel bad for telling Kris how I really feel. But if I truly sit down and think about it, am I actually sorry or not?

As I’ve read more about this, it seems like most articles are written about women who do this too, which I find interesting. Is it because of our gender that we apologize?

The answer is still a mystery to me.

At least now we’re all thinking about it. How many times do you apologize for things that don’t need an apology or for things you aren’t sorry for? Once you start realizing it, I think you’re going to be a little surprised on how often you actually do say it.

But hell, maybe it’s just me.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Why Does My Person Change?

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We all have a person.

This could be the person you tell your deepest darkest secrets to. Or the person you call when you want to go out for a drink. They could even be your shoulder to cry on.

Whoever your person is and whatever they bring to the table for you, we all have ‘em.

You can have one, you could have two, hell, maybe even three.

But 9 times out of 10, these people change.

Your person when you were 15 years old is different from the person you have at 26 years old.

Why is that?

We change. And our needs change.

One of my best friends since I was 12 years old has and always will be one of my persons. But her role in my life changes as we both change.

One of my best friends from college was my person to party with, but we grew apart as our priorities changed.

When I didn’t have a boyfriend to tell my exciting career news to, my mom was my person.

Ya see, things change as we change. As we change, our relationships change.

It’s important to remember that people are placed in certain parts of our lives to teach us something. Whether we realized it at the time or not, every one of our persons have taught us something. The ones that stayed and even more so the ones that have left.

So remember this, you’re going to change, and so is everyone else. It’s okay if people leave your life, and if you leave theirs. Just make sure you cherish the memories made, and never forget what your person has taught you.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Forward is Forward

A little over a month ago I got a personal trainer. She was great. We worked out 3x a week and I was eating decently healthy. I slept better, I woke up sooner feeling more refreshed, and I had so much more energy.

Personal training ended, and it was time to decide to buy-in for more or try it out on my own. I decided I was going to give it a whirl on my own (and also save money).

We all know what happened next…

Eating

I couldn’t help it.

And because of my lack of self-control in the eating department, we then ran in to this…

Lounging

Yep. Eating all the unhealthy food in sight and lying around doing nothing.

So for the last two weeks, I’ve been eating like crap and not exercising. (Sorry if you read this, Sabrina.)

But isn’t that how it normally goes?

One tries to make a change. Does it for a little bit. Then it fades away.

Or is this just me?

I’m 100% certain this will happen another 8,372x to me over the course of the next year or so. But I’ve made a promise to myself to keep trying.

Your speed doesn’t matter, forward is forward.

I am always looking for ways to be a better me. And eating healthy and exercising are by far two of the most influential things I can do to be a better me.

So, in the end, it’s okay to take a bunch of steps forward and a couple of steps back. We are human. As long as you’re always trying to take steps forward. Even if it’s slow. Even if it means you’re going to take one for the team and eat some cookie dough ice cream. Tomorrow we’ll do better. (Or at least that’s what I tell myself).

Rome was not built-in a day people.

And yes, Laine, now it’s time to go home and throw away the two quarts of ice cream, and the box of Cheez-Its, and the potato chips, and the frozen pizza.

Baby steps… Baby steps…

 

Cheers, Laine

I Can Live Without You

When I was younger and “in love” with the flavor of the month I literally thought I couldn’t live without that person. And as I’ve gotten older I hear people telling me that the person I will spend the rest of my life with will be the one I can’t live without.

Well, what if I can live without him?

Think about it…

My boyfriend and I have had the conversation about spending the rest of our lives together. That’s the plan-till death do us part (lucky you, Kris). We’ve also had the conversation where I looked him dead in the face and said,

“I can live without you.”

Seriously. I’m not kidding.

But he wasn’t surprised. Why?

Because, he knows if anything ever happened to him or to us, I’d be okay. I’d move on or move forward with my life. And so would he if the roles were reversed.

Do I admit I’d be devastated if he just looked at me one day and told me to take a hike? Hell yes! I’d probably: 1. Eat and lay on the couch for weeks or 2. Live at a bar. Choices…

I just truly believe we can all live without people in our lives. Easier said than done, I know. But we’re all still standing, right? We’re still here, breathing after that terrible break-up we thought we’d neverrrrrr get over. Or that death in the family that came too soon.

None of us want to go through heartbreaks or heartaches, but we all end up coming out stronger in the end. It could take weeks, months, or even years, but we are stronger.

So this isn’t about whether we can or can’t live without someone. It’s about wanting to.

Following my bold statement of telling my boyfriend I could live without him, I said,

“But I don’t want to.”

Cue the “awwwws” and the “cheesy one liners.”

But I meant it, exactly how I said it.

Remember, we sometimes can’t imagine our lives without certain people in it. If and when that day comes, you can live without them. You will be okay.

Everything happens for a reason.

 

Cheers,

Laine