Let The Crazy Out

Two years ago I moved my happy ass 3hrs south to a town where I basically knew no one. I had absolutely no reason to go other than I was in love with this schmuck and ready to start a life with him. Wherever he went, I was going to go.

Look at me now, and we own a home together, are proud pittie parents, and work for the same company.

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Over these last two years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and we’ve learned a lot about each other and our relationship.

We both hate doing dishes, yet we still don’t have a dish washer.

I let the dog on the furniture, and he pretends that he doesn’t.

He’s a pack rat, but he’ll tell you that I have more clothes and shoes than anyone he knows– which is false.

Neither one of us will ever agree to buy a “fixer upper” again.

And we both communicate very differently, which means I’m always right.

So as I reflect on not just these two years of living together, but also these four years of our relationship (yes, four), I realize something very important– we are better people because of each other.

We both found this pain in the ass that challenges us, makes us laugh, and makes us view things differently.

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We’re not the perfect match.

But we work at it every day.

We acknowledge our issues as individuals and as a couple, and work to be better. I know my downfalls and he knows his. And because of that self-awareness we’re able to be better partners and better friends to each other and for each other.

So, when friends ask how we do it, I tell them to always be honest with themselves and their partner. Let the crazy out! Because if your partner can’t handle you and your crazy, then they’re not the one for you.

Never hide who you are. Never apologize for who you are. Because some one out there will accept you for you and love you for it.

 

Cheers,

Laine

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Follow Your Gut

Apparently, every time I watch a movie, I have inspiration to write. My last post was in reference to Runaway Bride– Ask Yourself ‘Why?’

Ironically, this one is also a Julia Roberts movie– Eat. Pray. Love.

I’ve seen it before, but I don’t remember being this moved by it. Maybe it’s the wine. (Likely, the wine).

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There are so many quotes in this movie that are worth sharing, but they all deserve their own post to be honest.

If you haven’t seen the movie, this is by no means a spoiler. But know that the quote you’re about to read is literally the last couple lines of the entire movie. So stop now or forever hold your peace.

“If you’re willing to give up everything you know and go on an adventure… And then treat every person you meet as a clue to your future… Then the truth will be yours.”

How inspiring is that?!

Ask any of my friends (the whole two of them), and they’ll tell you I’m the one they call when they have a crazy idea.

I’m big on following your gut no matter how crazy it is.

Always follow your gut.

And with this quote from Eat. Pray. Love., it’s just that much more apparent to me that we have to follow our guts and take a leap of faith when it comes to jobs, relationships, commitments, moving, you name it. Everything we do is a leap of faith. So why try and stay in our comfort zone? We never grow or change in our comfort zones.

If we’re willing to take that leap and accept that we’re constantly on this road to where we’re going, no matter where it is, we’ll always get there. It’s going to be bumpy sometimes. It’s going to be sad and disappointing.

But sometimes, it’s going to be so fulfilling and moving, that you’ll cry once you realize you’ve arrived.

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It’ll be so profound– something you’ve been searching your whole life for. And you’ll know the exact moment you get there.

And you’ll be changed forever.

We may experience this more than once in our lives. And some may only experience it that one time. But you’ll remember it forever.

We’ll remember the people we met along the way. And everything we went through to get there.

And nothing else will matter, because for a moment we are exactly where we’re supposed to be.

So always follow your gut no matter how crazy it seems.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Ask Yourself ‘Why?’

Have you ever seen Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? The premise is that Julia Roberts’ character (Maggie) has been engaged 4x and can’t seem to go through with the marriage part. Richard Gere’s character (Ike) is a journalist doing a story about why Maggie keeps leaving guys at the altar.

In the end, the two fall in love and finally get married. Spoiler alert.

What’s my point?

I was really thinking about the meaning of this movie while I was watching it, and ironically, it hits pretty close to home for me.

Not the being engaged part or the running (because I don’t run in general).

In the movie Richard Gere discovers that Julia Roberts’ character orders the exact same kind of eggs that her fiancé (at the time) orders. All four engagements, she ordered whatever her fiancé ordered. Ike realizes that Maggie didn’t have a mind of her own, and she morphed into whatever her fiancé, or anyone for that matter, wanted her to be.

That was me.

There was a joke my dad once said to me referencing 3 guys I had dated consecutively:

From Gucci to Sperry’s to Bass Pro.

What he really meant was, I morphed into what my boyfriends at the time wanted me to be, or at least what I thought they wanted me to be.

A boyfriend once told me to not cuss so much because it wasn’t lady-like. So I tried to not cuss anymore.

Another told me to put on more makeup because he liked when I looked “pretty.” So I tried to wear more makeup.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was morphing into what they wanted me to be.

And Kris has helped overcome that.

Now, this isn’t meant to be a love letter or anything, because quite frankly, Kris doesn’t read these posts unless I make him. Ha!

Kris is one of few to accept me for who I am – my faults, my weaknesses, my craziness… Everything. He’s actually the first person who just came right out and told me that I was a “chameleon.”

He noticed when I interacted with people, family, friends, co-workers, and even sometimes him, that I would be what others expected me to be.

That’s obviously hard to hear. But he was right (again).

However, partially because of him, I’ve been able to find my own voice. He pushes me to have my own opinion about things. He asks me what I want and why. He helps me come to my own conclusions.

What Julia Roberts’ character and I had in common is that we were unsure of ourselves. And we needed someone to see us for who we were.

I can’t say that I have it all figured out or that I know what I truly want in some instances. But I can say that I continue to ask myself ‘what do you want’ and ‘why.’

Those two questions alone have helped me understand myself better, and they’ve helped me come to my own conclusions, not someone else’s.

Finding our own voices and opinions is so important. Some of us struggle with it, while others couldn’t be more sure of themselves. But I don’t envy those people. I enjoy trying to better understand myself and my choices.

I enjoy asking myself ‘why?’ And I encourage more of you to do so.

Don’t just believe something because your parents told you that’s how it is.

Don’t just get married or have kids because you think that’s the next step in your life.

Don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it.

Why?

Because at the end of the day, we feel more fulfilled when we understand ourselves. We can go to sleep at night knowing that we are here in this very moment, because it’s truly what we want, not something someone else wants for us.

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

 

 

No Pictures Please

Kris and I just finished up a 9 day vacation at the lake for the 4th of July week. It was amazing and much needed.

The best part?

I didn’t take a single picture.

Kris is usually on me about being in the moment and taking it in rather than finding the right shot so I can post to social media. It is usually pretty difficult for me to put the phone down because I want to have pictures to remember the good times.

But he’s right!

It felt amazing to not carry my phone around with me at all times so that I could spend quality time with my loved ones.

Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I went to take a picture on Snapchat out of habit. But I actively and consciously had to tell myself no. No, I wasn’t going to take time away from myself and family so that I could share pictures.

Too many times we are so worried about the pictures we’re taking and forget about the moment of really taking it in—taking a deep breath and really relishing in that moment.

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We get all done up for a party or a night out and have to take a picture of it so we can post how cute we look on Facebook.

But why do we need to do that? Why do we feel like we need the validation of Likes and comments? Why are we so worried about getting the right picture, rather than really seeing the beauty in that very moment?

It’s hard. And I do it too.

And I know I’ve lost moments because I was so focused on taking a picture. Moments fly by and we don’t get them back. Sometimes they’re definitely worth a photo. Sometimes it’s more worth it to take a deep breath and truly experience the moment.

So my challenge to you is to take less pictures. Put your phone down on vacation. Turn your phone off at 8pm each day.

Take the moment in rather than lose it so you can find your phone.

 

Cheers,
Laine

Giving 100 Percent to Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends

I recently read the Inc. article, Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends: Pick 3, by Jessica Stillman.

I then read a rebuttal article, Forget Picking 3. How to Have it All: Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends , written by Kindra Hall.

Both of these articles really got me thinking about my life at it’s current state, including work, sleep, family, fitness, and friends.

Can we have it all? Or do we need to really pick 3?

For me, Work and Sleep have really become my top two. I attempt, inconsistently, to bring Fitness in there. Friends, mostly pop in when I need a break from work. And if I’m being honest, Family, usually takes a back seat. Naturally, that’s where these focus areas have fallen.

It’s not the greatest hierarchy, and different people would organize these focuses a different way. Some weeks I need Family and Friends. Others, I need Fitness and Sleep. It depends for me. And I’m working on the best for me.

However, Hall says it perfectly well:

“Be 100 percent where you are.”

It doesn’t matter if you pick 3 or if you want it all, you need to be 100 percent where you are at that moment. That’s where we’ll find success.

We all operate differently. Some of us can only focus on a few things and get really good at them. And some of us can focus on all five of these things and get good at them.

It’s about what YOU can do for YOU.

We can read all the self-help and empowerment books and articles we want, but there is no one size fits all. It’s a trial and error of what works for you as an individual.

But if there’s one thing I can (and should) focus on, it’s being 100 percent present.

We can’t be half in and half out and expect to get results.

Can you give 100 percent to Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, and Friends?

Cheers,

Laine

I’m a Bad Girl

I’m a bad girl.

Some would agree with that.

I’ve been known as the partier. The one who curses like a sailor. The bitch. The cheater. The slut. I never met my curfew and always talked back. There are things I’ve done that I can’t put in this blog post.

But your definition of a bad girl is a lot different than mine.

My mom got me this book for my birthday titled Bad Girls Throughout History: 100 Remarkable Women Who Changed the World by Ann Shen. My mom’s handwritten note inside said, “Happy 28th birthday, Laine. Maybe one day you will be on the cover of these pages.”

You see, my mom’s definition of the word “bad” is also different than yours. She believes I can make a difference by being a bad woman.

The revolutionary women featured in this book…

“Challenged the status quo and changed the rules for all who followed.”

Cleopatra, ruler of men

Sojourner Truth, activist and abolitionist

Joan Jett, godmother of punk

Josephine Baker, showgirl, activist, and spy

Marie Antoinette, teen fashion idol

Just to name a few.

Some of these women were young when they made their mark. Others were nearly in their 70s.

At any point in time in our lives, we can make an impact. Most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re helping change history at all.

As a woman, I admire, not only the women listed in this book, but also women like my mother, Kris’ mother, and my grandmother. None of these women took shit from anyone. They were/are opinionated, outspoken, honest, credible, bad women.

Bad women are all around us. It just depends on your definition of the word.

 

Cheers,

Laine

 

PS: You should consider buying this book for a young woman in your life—a woman that challenges the status quo.

Me is the Most Important

It’s a “can’t sleep,” “can’t turn my mind off” kind of night. 


Maybe it’s because IU was so close to giving OSU a run for their money. (I’m not even a college football fan).

Maybe it’s because Kris and Wilfred won’t stop snoring. (This is more accurate).

Or maybe, it’s because I haven’t really been taking time for myself to check out and re center myself. 

This job has me going at 100 mph + full time grad school + basically unpaid part time staffer for a nonprofit I volunteer for in town. All of which I enjoy and/love to some degree. 
But I just need a breather. 

Then I saw a friend’s tweet that went something like:

Blah blah blah, I hate when someone says they have 100 things on their list. We ALL have 100 things on our list.

Boom. (Side note: she was not talking directly to me). Thanks Amber!

All of my stress is warranted, but I need to understand that until I do something about it then it will continue to stay that way. (Kind of like my blog posts: The Way It Is). Even if I prioritize better (by the way, I have a 5pg paper due Sunday, which I haven’t started), I’m still going to be stressed.

I realized that if I feel this way now, come the change in season and into winter, then I’m a goner. So I’ve attempted to take care of myself first by signing Kris and I up for Farrell’s 10-week Bodyshaping program (beginning at the end of September). Shoot me. 

Neither of us are super pumped about this. But we needed something drastic. 

On top of that I’ve been signing up for yoga classes and then canceling last minute. 

This is doing me no good. 

Setting time aside for ME is so extremely important, but I just don’t follow through. 

Maybe my next blog post will be about that follow through. But until then, I’ll just talk about how I need to do it. And how my health (and sanity) rely on it. Ha!

So here’s to timeblocking (tomorrow), prioritizing MYSELF, and putting my mental health above everything else. Because at the end of the day, if my mind isn’t right, nothing I do will be right. 

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So this is a good weekend to schedule some massages, pedicures, and shopping then? Ok, I’ll tell Kris y’all said it was good. 
Take time for yourself peeps. Your heart, your soul, and your mind are the most important things you have. 
Cheers,

Laine

Clean House

There’s something about a clean house. My exact feelings and my mood are reflected by the way my house looks on the inside.

For a couple weeks now there have been piles of dirty dishes, mail that I haven’t opened all over the coffee table, clothes (clean and dirty) scattered throughout my bedroom floor, and even the daily items I use to get ready for work (hair spray, deodorant, Qtips, etc.) lying in random places around the house.

Does that explain how I’ve felt?

Part of this mess is pure laziness. The other part… Well that’s the reflection of me.

Week after week, coming home to a messy house has taken its toll on my inner-self. I don’t know if it’s because I feel a certain way and project that onto my house, or if I leave my house a certain way and then begin to take in the mess. Either way, it doesn’t feel good.

For whatever reason I decided to get up this morning and do something about it. Feeling accomplished, like I did something today, that makes me feel good. Cleaning parts of the house, straightening up my mess (only so I can start the mess all over again tomorrow)– that makes me feel good. It lifts my spirits.

Who we surround ourselves with and how we surround ourselves, those are the two things that have positive or negative effects on our insides. If we surround ourselves with negative people, people who don’t make us better, then we will become those people. If we surround ourselves with a mess, whatever a “mess” is to you, then we will become that mess.

I’ve learned this twice when I stopped being someone’s friend. And I’ve learned over the years that when my house is a mess, I am a mess.

So I cleaned.

I can’t say I am my true self, but I can say I feel better. My insides and my outlook is more positive, simply because I cleaned.

We all have simple changes we can make in our daily lives to make us feel more positive energy around us. For me, it’s cleaning.

Surround yourself with what attracts more positive energy to you– a clean house, a good friend, a salt lamp, a dog, fresh air, the sun– and you will be a better you.

Find your clean house.

 

Cheers,

Laine

Wilfred

Here we are, Laine.

You’re a homeowner. You have a good job. You live in a great town. You have an amazing partner in crime. You’re living the good life.

But something had been missing.

I had a hole in my heart for quite some time dealing with the loss of Lucy. Call me dramatic, but she was a big part of my life as I’m sure you read in I’m Left in Good Hands and A Happy Life is the Best Life.

However, my heart began to mend and Kris and I started the conversation about getting another dog.

Don’t get me wrong, Kris wasn’t pumped at first, but because he knows how happy a dog would make me and how a dog would bring complete joy to our home, he was supportive in my decision to adopt.

I looked at rescue websites for months, and even had family and friends sending me photos of dogs up for adoption. I just never could pull the trigger.

I was scared.

But finally, out of the blue, I applied to be an adopter through the Fort Wayne Pit Bull Coalition (FWPBC).

So many people were against me getting a pit bull (again). People would ask me ‘why’ or say ‘are you sure?’

For the record, I have been making decisions (bad and good) on my own for quite some time. I think I can manage.

The application went through and I had some conversations with the great people at FWPBC regarding what I was looking for: I couldn’t have another Lucy. I needed someone who was easy. Someone who was chill. And that is exactly who I got.

Enter Wilfred.

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This 6 year old, blue pit is everything I had hoped for and imagined. Kris and I brought him home and he has been an absolute blessing to us both. (Don’t let Kris fool ya, Wilfred is his guy).

To be able to adopt a special needs dog and be the person who is going to change his life forever, that is why I rescue. I rescue dogs who need someone special to take care of them. Someone who won’t judge them or leave them. I have a purpose for rescuing– I want to make a change in a dog’s life. Little do they know that they change my life too.

I get emotional thinking about how no one wanted this guy and how people just passed over him. Until I realize that all of those didn’t work out so that we can be in this very moment.

Wilfred lays next to us at night in his own bed. He gives me a kiss goodnight and thanks me for bringing him home. I tell him and Kris I love them.

And that is living the good life.

 

Cheers,

Laine & Wilfred

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PS. Thank you Debra, Suzanne, and the rest of the FWPBC family for everything you did for Wilfred and me. We are forever grateful.

Do You Wear Spanx?

When I purchase clothes, I do so by actively choosing items that hide my body shape. Yes, I’m a big girl and there is no hiding it. I’m okay with that, Mrs. She’s Too Big Now She’s Too Thin. I’m just not 100% comfortable showing my back fat roll if I were to wear a tighter shirt.

And let’s be honest, I’m all about comfort.

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However, sometimes there are items you just have to have. They sometimes cling in weird places, or if you’re at a specific angle it just doesn’t look great.

So to be safe, we invest in Spanx (or something like it).

Props to the women that can wear these on a daily basis. I’m sure you feel and look fabulous. But, I feel like my inside are being crushed.

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Are Spanx the modern day corsets? What is up with us wearing undergarments to make us skinnier or a more “desire-able” shape? I thought we moved past the Victorian age.

Maybe it’s just me, and most women find these things comfortable. But I don’t want to wear a full body suit underneath my clothing on the reg.

  1. I’ll constantly fidget.
  2. I get hot, fast.
  3. And I can’t breathe.

Why do we do this to ourselves?!?!

Here’s why…

We want to look good.

But for who?

That’s what trips me up. If I’m fully honest with myself, I wear one of those things because I want to look good for someone else. I want the people at the wedding who I haven’t seen in years be like “Dang… She got big… But she look good tho!” Compliments make me feel good. They make all of us feel good.

But I don’t want to rely on others to make me feel good about myself. Will I still wear the Spanx? When needed, yes I will.

Society makes us think that we need to be a certain size or shape or color. Or that one is better than the other. And it’s not.

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Just the way you are.

How comfortable are you in your own skin?

 

Cheers,

Laine