The Way It Is

My 27th birthday has come and gone. To be honest, it wasn’t much. I received all this love and attention from friends, family, and my boyfriend, and yet I still wasn’t feeling up for a celebration.

I know how terrible that all sounds — this whole “poor me” bullshit. And I know how extremely lucky and blessed I am to have this life. So it’s pretty selfish of me to be acting like this, but I just can’t seem to shake it.

My 26th year of life had an overarching theme to it – things I cannot control.

Cancerous cells were found on my cervix.

I was basically let go from my job.

I had to put Lucy down.

A former player died in a car accident.

An old friend died from cancer.

Pretty shitty year if you ask me. Hence my “poor me” attitude.

On Christmas when I was spending my time with all our family, I was more reserved, quieter. I wasn’t in the holiday spirit. On my birthday, I felt nothing. No excitement or anything, and that is not like me.

I am full of life. I am full of spirit. I am full of spunk. I am full of smiles. I am full of positivity.

That is who I am. But, that is not who I am acting like.

So, I’m [trying] my own saying out and “putting my big girl pants on.” I’m trying to work out again in the hopes that it will make me feel better. I’m trying to meditate again so I can more easily accept the things I cannot control. I’m trying to do more things that make me happy. I’m trying to focus on the things I’m thankful for – the 27 experiences that have been a positive part of my life this past year.

  1. The surgery to remove the cancerous cells from my cervix was a success. Cancer free.
  2. I went on an amazing vacation with Kris. We didn’t kill each other in the car.
  3. Kris moved back to Indiana to be closer to me.
  4. I’m applying for my Master’s degree, which is something I would have never done if it wasn’t for my current employer.
  5. My baby sister got married and I gained a new brother-in-law. Now, for babies!
  6. I spent a lot of my summer weekends at the lake. It’s good for the soul.
  7. Lucy, Kris, and I took up the hobby of hiking. Mainly because it was the easiest way for us to enjoy exercising.
  8. I made the plunge to leave Fort Wayne and move in with Kris. We’re both still alive, aren’t we? (Read Bring It On Bloomington, Indiana and It Ain’t All Rainbows and Butterflies)
  9. My old employer gave me glowing recommendations and their blessing to find a new job. (Read Take Back Control)
  10. I was appointed to a new board of a directors to a group of people who didn’t even know me.
  11. I was voted VP of my alma mater’s alumni association board. Nobody else wanted it.
  12. I helped bring three great nights of free concerts to downtown Fort Wayne.
  13. Kris tells me he loves me every single day. He also laughs at me. (Read I Can Live Without You)
  14. I paid off $5,000 in debt on my credit card. (Read The Debt Ball and Chain)
  15. My parents have been very supportive with paying for my new tires, helping me out when I didn’t think I could pay a bill, you name it, they did it.
  16. I got a new job with a lot more money.
  17. I received a prestigious award as one of the top Millennials in Fort Wayne making a difference.
  18. I hiked 2,000ft up (it was terrible) to the most beautiful view I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
  19. I swam in the Smoky Mountains. But not the deep end, because I couldn’t see the bottom.
  20. I got to see all of my friends from college and put on my old jersey to attempt to run up and down the court.
  21. As soon as I’d park my car in front of Fortezza, the barista would start making my coffee before I even ordered. I miss that.
  22. Lucy made me happier than I could have ever imagined. (Read I’m Left In Good Hands)
  23. I accepted that I was a “thick girl” and finally bought clothes that actually fit my big hips. So much more confidence after that. (Read Mrs. She’s Too Big, Now She’s Too Thin)
  24. I stopped partying so much. Weird, I know. (Read Growing Old Not Up)
  25. I babysat my nephews for the very first time. All three of them, at once. I’ve never done it since.
  26. I began meditating daily.
  27. I realized how effing lucky I am to have this life, good and bad. (Read A Happy Life Is The Best Life)

As much as I bitched at the beginning of this post, I do know how lucky I am. Sometimes, we just need a little reminder. In my case, I needed a swift kick in the ass.

But in all seriousness, life is never as bad as we think it is. If we just simply TRUST in the Universe then we will be able to more easily accept life the way it is.

And usually, “the way it is” has more good than bad.




3 thoughts on “The Way It Is

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