Recently, I’ve been missing my boyfriend a lot.
Cue the rolling of eyes and shaking of heads.
But seriously. For the past couple weeks, I’ve been calling him nonstop, telling him how much I miss him, telling him I love him… I think you get the picture. It’s in my nature to be super affectionate any way, but with this long distance nonsense it seems like it’s not affection, it’s me being needy.
I am an I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T (thank you Lil’ Boosie and Lil’ Phat for teaching me how to spell) woman and proud of it. I don’t need a man any more than I need cookie dough ice cream. But in this situation, both are wanted and needed.
I have actually struggled with this needy verse affectionate thing. Am I going to push him away? Am I being insecure? I didn’t really have an answer to those questions, but I kept doing it anyway.
Finally I was like, “Jesus Laine. Get it together.”
So I talked to the boyfriend about it. And by talked to him, I mean I talked in circles hoping he’d get my drift and decipher what exactly I was trying to say. Thanks, doll!
And of course he did. He’s the best<3
His understanding was that I was bored and missed him. I was being needy, but that’s not necessarily a negative thing. Because I’m such an affectionate person and because he lives 6 hours away, I’m not able to express myself as freely. So I have to say things 100x for it to get even remotely close to how I feel since I can’t do it in person.
Ding ding ding.
- He gets me.
- I do not have to feel dumb for the way I feel or how I express it.
As women, we get told to be independent, don’t rely on someone else, and to not be needy.
Well I’m here to tell you… I am an independent woman AND I have a man I love. I rely on myself AND I rely on someone else. I am a needy woman and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’d rather show my emotions every time than not show them and wish I had. If my boyfriend didn’t like the way I expressed myself then he could leave. But it doesn’t bother him. He understands even if it doesn’t make sense to him.
I wish we as women would show our emotions and express them freely more often. What makes you think you can’t express your love for someone? Or cry about something? There’s no shame in my game and there shouldn’t be any in yours either.