I’m not going to bore you with my long (and I mean longggggg) story about my love life. In a nutshell, I’ve been in some type of serious relationship since I was 18. To those of you that know me, you’re probably shaking your head, thinking about all the idiots I’ve dated as well as how many times I was the idiot.
Well, I’ve been very single for about a year and half now after a very rough ending to a super serious (on my end) relationship. No, I haven’t stayed single because I was still in love! Initially, yes. But ultimately, I was enjoying the freedom, the party, the crazy, the stupid.
Since my “single girl swag” era, I have joined Match.com. Dun dun dun… Yes, I joined an online dating site. Welcome to the 21st century.
I joined back in July, with little expectations, other than I may or may not get a free dinner out of it or I might meet someone super cool. I did not join to find “the one” or to even find a man. I was trying to be open-minded in the dating scene.
You see, I’ve never really dated. He was always a friend that turned into a boyfriend, a random guy at a bar that turned into a serious relationship (which I would never recommend, by the way). But, this time I was actually going to TRY and date people, like a grown up would.
So off I went. Since July I’ve given my number to roughly ten guys and been on five dates (four guys total). Boy oh boy were those duds. But, that wasn’t the point. The point was for ME to try something new, step outside of my comfort zone, grow up (a tad).
In addition to my Match.com dates, I’ve also been on three more dates (sorry if you’re reading this), with a guy who happens to NOT be a Match.com stint. Luckily, he’s a friend of a friend, so I know he’s not crazy.
The first two dates were good. We talked the whole time, had a lot in common, I liked him. I was still trying out this whole open-mindedness thing. He was cool and I enjoyed hanging out with him. But I just didn’t feel “it” (whatever the eff “it” is).
After the second date I talked to a friend about him, dating, all the above. She told me that…
Love is a choice.
Which got me to thinking, “What was I doing?” Either I wanted to continue a relationship with the guy, or I wanted to continue to just get free dinners out of it. I actually thought about this for a while. Was I going on dates with him, or anyone for that matter, just to say I was going on dates?
Come the third date, everything changed. He may not have realized it (I’m sure he has now after reading this), but I was so giddy after the date it’s not even funny. I mean within the date itself, nothing was different. We didn’t act different. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and was like, “Laine, you like this guy, quit fighting it.”
I was not just going on dates anymore. I was choosing to bask in his company, to truly enjoy every second we were spending together. I hadn’t felt that in a long time.
Am I saying I love the guy, Jesus I barely know him. What I’m saying is that you must do two things in order to find love:
- Be open-minded.
- Choose to love.
I am NO expert on love, I promise you that. Hell, I barely know what the word means. But as I went through my 24-year-old single girl swag era and now am maturing (somewhat), I’ve found that these two things can and should lead you to it.
This thing between me and my non Match.com guy may not even work out, who knows, but it’s all about being open-minded, trying something new, and choosing to really, and I mean really, bask in the moment with the person.